In my younger years I was introduced to a sexual lifestyle that is interesting, fun, exciting, and satisfying. I am a straight man that enjoys having sex with other men. That sounds like an obvious contradiction, so allow me to explain.
In any relationship between two people, there is a physical and an emotional component on sliding scales. One could think of these in quantifiable terms forming a grid of sorts.
At the upper right corner, we have two people in love that have an intimate relationship, so their particular relationship is defined as both an emotional and a physical one. Those of you fortunate enough to know and love a parent or a child in the traditional sense would describe an emotional relationship without sexual intimacy, the lower right corner if you will. At the lower left corner we have no physical or emotional intimacy, where most people would place their work colleagues and casual acquaintences.
The upper left corner is the space of most erotic literature: physical intimacy with warmth, but without serious emotional attachment.
Simply put, that is what comprises most erotic literature. Some of the best erotic literature paints a portrait of striking physical intimacy with warmth, but not necessarily love. This is what humans are drawn to and why internet porn is so profitable. We lust over the chance encounter, the handsome partner, the gorgeous and willing woman, to be ours not forever but for a time. Men love to see two beautiful women intimately kissing then fondling each other’s bodies. Clearly these women are not in love, nor are they necessarily homosexual or even bisexual for that matter. More than likely they were paid to do something and they did it.
When you look back on one of your one-night-stands (no, not you!) you will admit that most likely your experience fell into this final category I describe above. You flung yourself at that guy or girl and the next thing you know you have their body parts in your mouth. Far from love, of course; it’s entertainment. In my estimation more should be encouraged. Experimentation and knowing oneself is key to a lifetime of happiness. Defining the borders of one’s emotional and physical attractions are vital to Zen. How can one truly be happy without recognising what exactly it is that makes them so?
One of the major problems with American society is we are so hung up on labels that we fail to give young people a chance to explore who they are without stamping them with approval or disapproval, gay or straight, right or wrong. I do not mean to offend readers of faith, but in many cases the intolerance of violating apparent religious principles leads people to do terrible things to themselves and others, in many unfortunate cases for a lifetime. And in even more tragic circumstances, a short, tortured life for people that sacrifice themselves because of these unresolvable conflicts.
The lifestyle to which I alluded earlier broke down those barriers for me and for my lucky cohorts. What follows is a story of sex, to be certain, but moreover it is a story of discovery. Humans are tactile and visual. These stories are both…visually striking at times and, hopefully, rich in detail not only describing the physical relationships I experienced but also the emotional trek on which I was many times merely a passenger, a bystander, as my deeper consciousness immersed itself in the physical, pitching my life forward of its own accord, finding its way.
This is just one chapter of one person’s life journey. I hope you enjoy it.
Tim ran in different circles than I did due to nothing more than geography; he lived on one side of the city and I on the other. Our friends overlapped in the club scene and our conversations for six months were limited to casual bar talk. One night he mentioned that he wanted to see a particular band that I happened to love. A few of us in the group were interested in going, so Tim and I arranged to meet at the show, which was a week later. We exchanged email & phone #’s and that was it for 6 days.
Friday morning, the day of the show, he emailed me saying that it was a good idea to let me know that he was bisexual because we would probably run into some of his gay and bi friends at the show and that we would be hanging out with them and, just to give me the heads up, he asked if I was OK with that. I replied that I was cool with it and that it’s definitely no problem. That seemed to make him feel better, and we kept our arrangement for later that night. I had seen Tim with women in the circle of friends from which I had known him, and I got the sense that these two worlds were somewhat separate for him. I got the sense of an unspoken request to keep our conversation confidential.
Tim and several of his friends were already at the bar when I arrived. Knowing that some or all of them were bisexual made me oddly self-conscious. I must admit that I was secretly wondering if I was attractive to any of his bisexual male friends, casino şirketleri which was a somewhat interesting experience in and of itself. As it turns out, I was not. Big surprise.
I quickly started wondering what was going to happen. Tim had been comfortable enough with me to share his orientation. I guess it’s just like anyone else, though, and he’d have to be attracted to me to suggest doing something with me. I also wondered if it was his way of taking me on a date. Did my acceptance of his offer to see the show with him mean that we were on a date? I didn’t think of it at the time, but now it was making me a little nervous, but not scared.
In fact, I was beginning to think that if the evening ended and he didn’t show any interest in me I was going to be a little offended! Oh my god how funny was that. I was inundated with odd feelings, and my stomach was in knots and I couldn’t figure out why I was so damn nervous. Over the course of the evening I came to realize that I really, honestly, was ready to experiment and Tim seemed, the more I got to know him, a very likely candidate to break me in. I had often fantsized about masturbating with another man but never had an opportunity to do so. Maybe tonight would be the big night.
As the night wore on I decided that I would wait until the last possible minute to drop a hint and see Tim’s reaction. He had absolutely no idea what was going through my mind. We were just hanging out, having a good time, talking to his friends all of whom were a lot of fun to be around.
After the show ended, a DJ came on and we stuck around and danced for a while to some tecno. I love to dance alone or with someone else and I’m comfortable with either, so I pretty much stayed by myself. I have also been to dance clubs so often that seeing gay or lesbian couples together making out doesn’t faze me, and there was plenty of that going on, including a few of his friends. The dance floor was very crowded and occasionally either Tim or a male friend of his would come over and dance sort of close to me, but because of the number of people I didn’t think much of it.
I hadn’t had that much to drink and, combined with the fact that I was dancing pretty vigorously, I was stone sober.
I looked at a clock and it was 12:34. I remember the numbers and thinking at that instant to myself, “I think I’d like to see Tim’s cock tonight.” It was a strangely lucid thought, stamped perfectly in my mind. I still have no idea why it crossed my mind but it did and amid the chaos and confusion of the noisy club I laughed out loud to myself, quietly amusing myself in a crowded, noisy room.
Tim came over right after that thought, oddly enough, and we started talking about random things but it was very loud so I suggested we go to another place to have a drink. He suggested we just go to his apartment, which was within walking distance, and I accepted.
I could still go over to his house, have a drink, shake hands and call it a night. On the other hand I could suggest we undress and masturbate together. I had the option to think it over once I was inside his apartment, see how I felt, and make a suggestive comment or two to feel out the situation. If things didn’t seem right, I could walk right out the door.
Nervousness gripped me because I knew that this could be it. The feelings were nearly identical to that first night with that first girl, clumsily cutting through the formalities to get to the goods.
As I walked to his house I was glad I hadn’t said or done anything suggestive earlier because I didn’t want to feel pressured. I know it sounds like something a chick would say, but if we had started talking about “doing something together” at the club both of us would have had expectations. It definitely would have clouded my judgment and I know myself well enough to know that once we got back here there would have been a better than even chance I would have chickened out and just gone home. I was much happier with this organic chain of events and I was anxious and excited to see how things would play out.
We got back to his place about 1:00 AM and neither of us were drunk. Shortly after I came through the door to his apartment I decided that I was going to try to get him to do something, anything, with me. Maybe we could masturbate together, I thought, or maybe he would let me touch his penis. I was rock hard just thinking about these crazy possibilities. Tim made us a few drinks and we stood in the kitchen talking.
I was so horny and jumpy that as soon as we starting talking and sharing a drink, I just wanted to get on with it. But I needed to make it seem natural and of course also determine if Tim had any interest in me. I had zero experience in this area, so my words and actions were awkward to say the least. With women, I am perfectly comfortable in these situations, but with another guy, it was of course a different story. This being my first time I felt incredibly awkward and uncomfortable, casino firmaları nervous and scared.
I noticed he was about the same height as me, 5′ 9″ or 5′ 10″. He was 30 years old, medium build, dark hair, blue eyes, an attractive guy. I have similar features and build and I’m not bad looking myself, and at the time I was 27.
As he had expected, we had run into a few of his friends at the show and I asked him a few general questions, like how often does he date women and men, and if he has a girlfriend or a boyfriend.
“I was dating a woman up until about a month ago”, he said. “As for men, I never really “date” men, I just sort of play around as situations permit. I am open minded and sometimes it was just a fun thing to do, no emotional attachment, just different.”
“I’m very open minded myself”, I said enthusiastically. “But I’ve never been THAT open minded up to this point!”
We both kind of laughed a little, then sat in silence for a few seconds before I broke the ice.
“I have never been attracted to a man, but I love to masturbate with toys. I have often wondered what it would be like to have sex with a man but I’ve been reluctant because of health concerns. And maybe I am a little afraid that I would like it!” I laughed somewhat nervously but the statement was absolutely true.
Tim replied, “For simplicity’s sake I tell people that I am bisexual although that’s not really accurate. I have been with 5 men in a fully sexual way but I could never have a boyfriend. The encounters I have had with men are tactile, not emotional. Everyone knew the situation up front, so it was always purely physical. I mean, most people immediately move to categorize me as gay or bisexual, but to me, it’s more complicated than that. Essentially I am a straight man that likes to play around from time to time. That’s about the best description I have.”
“This is very interesting to me!” I said. “It sounds like an ideal situation if you ask me. Have fun, be safe. Is it fun? What do you like about it?”
He thought for a moment. “There’s a lot about it, I guess! It can be a lot of fun. For me, my first time…it started out as watching movies together or whatever and then it was like…we’re doing this. So, for me at least it was not premeditated or planned. It just sort of happened and I went with it and I’ve had some cool experiences.”
“I don’t mean to be rude, but do you mind if I ask you these questions? I am very curious about this, but I don’t want to get too personal.”
“No, it’s cool”, Tim said.
“When was the first time you did anything?”
“It’s been a few years, I’d say 5 years. It was the summer right after I turned 25, a few years out of college.”
“Was it fun? Were you nervous?”
“Yeah”, Tim said with a smerk. “It was fun. And yes, very nervous. It happened out of the blue, so I had no ideas about what it should be, which I think made it better actually. What I mean is that it happened so quickly that I didn’t have time to think about what I expected or to have certain ideas of what it would be like.”
Tim paused a moment and then continued. “I go through phases where I am really into having a guy-friend for months at a time and I’m loving the…you know…stuff…and and then 6 months or even 2 years go by and I exclusively date women and have no real desire to have any type of thing with a guy. It’s phases and moods. Whatever mood or phase I’m in at the time.”
I waited for a few seconds of silence. Then I asked him with a smerk, “So what phase are you in now?”
He smiled and took the question in and said, “Well I am sort of between right now. My girl and I broke up about a month ago like I said and it’s been a while since I did anything crazy.”
“By crazy you mean fucking a guy or having a guy fuck you?”, I said.
My choice of words was deliberately shocking and probing. I wanted to get this show on the road or get home, one or the other.
“Yeah, I guess that’s what I mean. So are you, like, up for something? I mean, I barely know you and I don’t want you to get all pissed off at me if I were to say something.”
“Like what? Like ‘do you want to fuck’?” I laughed. “Yeah dude I’m up for something. I don’t know anything about it because I’ve never done anything like this but I guess if it were done safely I’d be up for something. I mean if you’re hung like a mule you’re not going to get me to do anything THAT crazy!”
Again, there was tension and nervous laughter from both of us.
“OK, well let’s just see how things go. I have to say that I’m not into kissing”, he said.
“Neither am I. I’m not looking for a boyfriend”, I said. “This is an experience I want to have though. So what is the first step here? How do you get started on this kind of thing?” I sort of laughed.
“I like to be clean so I would like to take a shower”, he said. “You can either wait for me or come into the shower with me.”
“I think I’ll güvenilir casino wait out here”, I said rather quietly. I was beginning to have second thoughts, and the time he spent in the shower gave me a chance to think this through. He disappeared into the shower and for the next few minutes I agonized over what to do. I was horny as hell but this was a life-changing event and I figured I had about 10 minutes to make up my mind. From where I was sitting I could see his reflection in the mirror in the bathroom. He had clothes on when he went into the shower but now he was totally naked and after I saw the reflection of his semi-hard cock, and the choice became very easy. I definitely wanted to go through with this!
Tim hopped out of the shower and I took his place, carefully cleaning my body.
I lathered up and rinsed off, paying special attention to a specific area that had never had any special attention paid to it by anyone else. My heart was beating out of my chest as I soaped up and cleaned my genitals and anus, thinking that his fingers, tongue, or cock could be touching it tonight. It was a strange thought indeed but nervous energy became arousal as I turned off the water and got dried off.
Both of us were standing in his bedroom with towels wrapped around our midsections. I said, “OK, at the count of three?” I laughed. “One, two, three!” and we both dropped the towels. His cock was about the same as mine and both of us were fully hard. I was excited to see and eager to touch his penis. Just seeing that towering piece of flesh, hard and ready, was so thrilling that I knew this was going to be a lot of fun. It was fun just looking at it.
“Nice dick!”, I said laughing.
Tim just sort of laughed and said nothing.
As we sat on the bed I said, “Let’s plan out what we’re going to do so that I am more comfortable. Is that OK?”
“I would like to masturbate together, then maybe we can 69.”
“That is totally cool, but be sure this is what you want to do, OK?” he said. “Is this the first time you’ve done anything like this?”
“Then just relax and we will go slow and if any situation feels uncomfortable or weird we’ll just stop, no questions asked. My first time I sort of got talked into a few things and had a good bit to drink, so I am going to follow your lead, OK? I don’t want you to end up thinking I’m Lestat to your Louie!”
I laughed out loud. “Great analogy!”
“I’m ready. I’m sure”, I said. The truth is that I wasn’t the least bit sure. Seeing that throbbing rod was somewhat intimidating. But I was anxious to feel it in my hands. Tim went to the night stand and got some lubricant and poured it on his hands and doused his hard penis. I watched as the clear fluid ran down the sides of his thick cock and he handed me the bottle.
“Mmmmm. Smells like watermelon”, I said.
“Yeah and it tastes like watermelon, too”.
Both of us fully lubed up and stroked our tools to hardened perfection. I could see precome leaking out of both of our cocks and was eager to taste my own, so I slid a finger across the top of my spongy, purplish helmet. A string of sticky fluid connected my finger to the tip of my penis as I brought it to my mouth and continued to masturbate. I was entranced watching Tim stroke his hard tool. His thick bag was covered in fine hair a few shades lighter than his head and the hair around his root was thick and wiry. He was watching closely as I slowly stroked up and down, fully hard, and fully enjoying myself.
After about 2 or 3 minutes, I had to ask.
“Can I touch it?”, I asked.
Tim nodded and, with my left hand, I reached over and began to stroke his penis. It was surprisingly warm! I was still jerking my own cock but my interest quickly shifted to sliding my hand up and down his tool. It felt so different than my own cock; it was not as hard, the head was smaller, the color was different, and the hair was definitely not the same. It felt good in my hand, though, and I liked it.
“It feels really hard”, I said. “Does this feel good?”
“Yeah. It feels good”, Tim said as he watched my hand rubbing his cock. I released my hand and dragged the tips of my fingers up and down his shaft, then slowly made my way down to his healthy balls. I moved them around gently until they were in my hand, until I was cupping his balls in my hand.
“Now, that feels different!”, I said loudly. “It’s really cool. It feels like they roll right through my fingers, like they move on their own. I like having your balls in my hand”, I said, almost disbelieving my own words.
“My balls like being in your hand! Just nice and gentle.”
“Yeah, funny! It’s not like you need to tell me what to do!”
“You’d be surprised what men do and don’t know what to do.”
“Wow, that’s weird. I would think that a lifetime of masturbation would be educational!”
I continued to very gently work his balls and make my way up his hard stalk of flesh. Talking while doing this was extremely erotic and I was eager to keep the conversation going.
“Why? What happened?”
“Some guys are too rough. They want to jerk you as hard as they probably jerk themselves, like practically hurting me.”