This is one of my blog posts that is creating a buzz. I hope you like it. A mix of experience and fantasy.
I called her on the intercom when I realized we were going to be closing the office together, working late as the only ones there again …unpaid overtime for the company. “Hey Marcia …just stop by my office before you leave tonight ok?
After everyone had left but us, at about 5:20, when I had been done with my work for 15 minutes, but just waiting for her to come by as I had asked, she tapped on the door and walked in with those astounding blueish eyes that looked at me as a mentor, always waiting for me to take the lead on a project or with the next direction for her…how I love that way she looks at me so vulnerable and trusting and …well…young. At 23, stunningly beautiful thick black hair, her light blue polo shirt and khaki pants in now way showing off what I knew was beautiful beneath, with her 5’6 skinny girl stature offset by hips that were larger than the rest of her frame ..and the same could be said about her breasts, large round cantaloupes that defied gravity some days in her business attire.
However, I had seen more of those beautiful breasts when Marcia and I were washing cars for charity one Saturday morning. Braless with a clinging black t shirt that day, her nipples stiffened by the wetness as if to announce that she was available and between boyfriends, and she knew how good it looked, for she was putting it out there to get the compliment I gave her. “Every guy that comes by here today thinks you are the hottest girl in the state,” I flirted..and there is no doubt that day she wanted the guys to notice…and they did ..and I did. She is not a lesbian.
But then again, neither am I …as far as anyone I work with knows.
But I had decided Monday that “this was the week” I was going to make a pass at her, and early that Tuesday morning I had decided that “this was the day,” it was going to happen, and I felt like I looked my best for the guys too in a strapped sun dress low cut with my far less than perfect boobs half showing. You know, my boobs since high school get me noticed and I am never afraid to orchestrate whatever that show is ..some days a little showing, other days as much as I can in the workplace ….don’t care what anyone says about me or about them. Not perfect and of course sagging as I approach my mid-30’s. But they’ve always been big …and full …I even if I am someone who doesn’t often allow myself to think good things about myself, I at least will say that I can make cleavage look good for the guys …but on this day, it wasn’t for the guys at all. I pulled the dress down and pushed my boobs up and through while I waited for her to come in.
And I was scared and nervous because I just have barely done this …but I can’t say never …and in fact, since the last time I really “went for it,” I found the lesbian love of my lifetime …or at least for a few months before the heartbreak ….I felt empowered to give it another try …but this time, with a co-worker ..with someone who could bounce it back and hurt me …I was taking a HUGE chance. But I had reasoned that Marcia was worth it, and so many signs she had given me made me or things she had confided to me made believe at least two things. One: That she was sexually aware and fairly free, by saying things like “hey I’ll try anything once, and twice if it feels good,” and the like, and Two: That she and I were close enough to take the chance I was about to take, by telling me, among other things, that I was her best friend, and that there was “nothing” she wouldn’t do for me if I asked. I was about to ask her to do something ..but not for me, but rather WITH me. What was about to happen was very very big….either a big disappointment ….or a big step forward for both of us…stepping forward to the bedroom I hoped.
Boldly and confidently I was ready to make a serious advance
“Is something wrong?” She asked with genuine concern. “Did I do anything wrong?”
“No… ..first …sit down,” and she did across the desk from me in the fairly cramped and cluttered office, ” and …just hang on a second…do you have a few minutes?”
“I don’t have a life,” she laughed.
“Here, ” I said while opening my desk and reaching in for the turquoise bracelet I had bought her the weekend before.
“I was in that shop again and this time I didn’t just THINK that was perfect for you…I couldn’t resist getting it for you.”
“You shouldn’t have …it is wonderful,” she was sincerely flattered. It was a perfect bracelet for her and when she put it on, “I can’t take this …this wasn’t cheap I know where you got it,”
“But I wanted you to have it .”
“Wow … you know me all too well Brenda …I love it. THANK you….I’ll do something nice for you sometime.”
“You’re good to me all the time, if it weren’t for you I’d be here to midnight tonight” I laughed, and we both did in acknowledging we were working pretty casino şirketleri hard as a team lately.
“Marcia ..I love to hear you laugh…its great.”
“What on earth can I do to repay you for this?”
“Welllll…thats the thing….I need to talk to you about something …and you can repay me by not killing me if you don’t like what I am about to talk to you about…..or ….at the very least, if you could keep a secret.”
“Oh no, you’re quitting…you got another job?”
“No no no…not that …I’m not going anywhere….I love working here…and the biggest reason is cause I get to work with you everyday.”
“Just don’t leave.”
And I steeled myself …because the small talk was over ….the “ahhhhh” of the awkward what comes next moment had arrived, and I was about to drop the big lesbian bomb on her. And I knew she didn’t know it was coming. And I didn’t know what would happen …but I couldn’t go another day without saying it.
“Well…I need to talk to you…or rather…I want to talk with you..and I’m just nervous cause I know ..or I THINK what I am going to say is going to shock you…I think.”
“Well I think you know you can talk to me about anything …I thought we already are completely honest with each other?”
“Well Marcia? This has been going on for a month ..or maybe it’s been going on since we started working together a year ago…and I haven’t been able to find the words. “
“Marcia….(her eyes locked mine and she looked SO beautiful …and I knew there was no turning back)I’m looking for an excuse to ask you on a date.”
“ohhhh”, and after a slight nervous laugh and a long pause she continued”you mean a hanging out date or a date date?
I sighed as deep of a sigh of relief as I have ever sighed because of the fact that I had finally said it. “alot of that depends on you…but I AM talking about the the kind with a kiss good night or even more is what I was talking about….and let me explain?”
At that point it looked like a possible rejection. She started shaking her head back and forth as if to say no and looking at the ground snapped nervously, even with a tinge of anger “I never been on a lesbian date….much less with a married …”
“Yeah …I gathered that, I interrupted, ” ….and I’m sorry but I also know the lesbian inside me that almost nobody knows about isn’t usually this direct and bold …but I think we’d be OK…no pressure … no big deal …. you know, just take it as a compliment that I’d like to ….ummmm…be more than friends…and obviously, I needed to trust you….I mean, hell, I could get fired or you could break up my marriage cause my husband doesn’t know just how much of a lesbian (yes I said it) I have become …see …nobody knows …so Marcia ..I am trusting you like nobody else in believing you won’t tell anyone that I’m trying to jump your bones (I laughed) and…let me say one more thing while I’m making an ass of myself.
“You aren’t!” she injected
My persuasion intensified. “….let me explain that I thought about this a million times and I just didn’t want to go out with you somewhere, try to seduce you …all that bullshit you know…try to kiss you or get you drunk and fucking grab your tits,” I smiled and laughed a bit and fortunately, she smiled and giggled too… “its just not me or the way I thought I should do this…so…I just wanted you to know upfront what my intentions are …that I LOVE being friends with you and …I have kinda wanted more for a long time now….just haven’t been able to find the way to tell you…so there is no good way to tell you that I like you …alot …love you in some ways ….and I cant pretend anymore that I don’t have feelings for you that go wayyyy beyond ….” My mind searched for the words in this moment of amped up emotion….” I just cant hide the way I feel about you or the desire to be with you for ….not just for me …for BOTH of us…I mean …I just can’t pretend its not about …something more than friends … ANYMORE. I…Marcia …(I raised my voice and leaned towards her.)…I’m crazy about you and I’ve been trying to tell you that forever.”
So there it was …I had passionately, intimately, even apologetically pleaded my case and confessed my desire for her at the end of our workday …knowing that whether she turned me down or accepted my advance, that the next day we worked together would be MUCH different ..risking so much because there was so much to gain. Her beauty, her way, her incredibly gorgeous and piercing blue eyes and every freckle on her face was beckoning me to take whatever chance there was to take to know the tenderness of a kiss with her, to know the taste of the skin of her neck, the weight of her breast and the sight, sound and eruption of sexual pleasure I would stop at nothing to give her ..if only she would let me into her heart. I had divulged my lesbianism, yearning for her, and shown more vulnerability with her than probably with anyone casino firmaları else I had known going back to at least high school. Now came the wait. A few seconds that felt like a lifetime ….not knowing if there would be acceptance and reciprocation, apologetic denial of my overture, or in the worst case if I had completely misjudged her, a bitter and uncomfortable end to our friendship. But I knew I had given it my best and set it up so that there was nobody else in the office that night, so that if it were the answer I desired, I wouldn’t have to wait for her first kiss, for it could happen tonight …and maybe more. And if there were tears, or anger, we were isolated.
“Well I won’t tell a soul…you know you can trust me …but …I honestly had no idea whatsoever that you were bisexual.”
“Well….I might not be bisexual…I didn’t say bisexual you might have noticed….but I am realizing I am not straight….never have been that …but …thats a long story…maybe I will write a book or tell everyone in a blog.” I felt coy about that remark.
After a contemplative moment of hesitation, with her eyes looking towards the ground, her voice quivered a little but there came the moment of her admission,” ummm…I have had a few fantasies OK…I mean for a long time but I never did anything about them …but IF I were to ever do anything about it …and thats a BIG IF …you’d be someone I’d be thinking about ummm…you’d be someone I think I’d …” She just stopped and bit her lip fairly hard , fidgeted and raised her eyes up from the ground, but still didn’t look me in the eye …looking past me when she said, “I think we could maybe see what happens.”
“And if nothing happens beyond a few laughs, then thats no big deal. We are still gonna be friends …no matter what.”
“I know that,” she snapped.
“And if something does happen …oh you know…I think you’ll like it,”
“I think I know that too.”
I went sarcastic to break the tension, ” you know…get your toenails painted …listen to Melissa Etheridge music…learn to play field hockey.” And she smiled and laughed.
“C’mere.” I reached over the desk to grab her hand and a squeezed it fairly tightly. “I’d never do anything to hurt you. Please don’t be afraid of me ….I’m the same me you know…just now you know I love women.”
“So there is alot you haven’t told me…”
“Go out with me …I’ll tell you anything you want to know.”
She looked down and shook her head.
“A lesbian date with a married woman almost ten years older than me?”
“Is the age a problem …I mean…I understand it if is?”
“no gawd no ….age is NOT a problem,” she replied, “but not knowing what the hell to do is a problem…being really confused is a problem,” and so I grabbed her hand again and squeezed and waited for her to look into my eyes again, and I noticed a welling of a tear, “you just gave me so much to think about.”
“Why don’t you leave all the thinking to me.” It was the right thing to say and I knew it ..and almost did a victory dance …cause that moment I knew I had her …and I realized that moment I was going home with our first kiss if not more. Same as I knew she trusted me in work projects on a day to day basis, she melted and gave herself to me at that moment. I rose up from my chair and walked to her side of the desk to collect on what I had dreamed about for so long. As I walked I told her of my intention, ” Marcia …I can’t wait to feel your lips on mine.” And as I arrived at her side of the desk she rose to meet me in stance and I put my arms around her and looked into her trusting eyes, and lowered into her , and met with the softest lips that I kissed ever so gently at first …and feeling no resistance at first, and giving in and overwhelming acceptance in her mouth opening wider and our embrace tightening, I probed and then jabbed my tongue into the velvety warmth of her welcoming mouth and kissed her deeply and passionately while she and I both went limp, overpowered by emotion and lust, in each others arms.
“Oh god Brenda,” she said when we broke free of each others lips, but gripped ever more firm in our embrace, “that was ssoooooo good.”
“I’ve wanted you for so long Marcia,” I panted, and began to stroke her back and shoulders and run my fingers through her thick hair while we gazed into each others eyes. Her eyes were half closed …bewildered …surrendering. I will never forget the look in her eyes that wonderful moment.
Again we kissed, more passionately than before, and while standing, I turned to sit into the chair that she had been sitting in and pulled her smaller body into me all while never breaking our lips apart. She sat upon me and after a moment when we both had to trust that the office chair would hold us both, she squatted over me and began to lead our kisses and push her body closer into mine in this new, very very comfortable position.
“What are we doing,” she slightly moaned, and güvenilir casino I answered, “I don’t want to stop.”
Now …I have to say something here. I have a fair amount of experience in various sexual positions with both men and women, and am aware of the power sharing that goes on and how intimate that aspect of love making is. I have read and written lesbian erotica all my life, watched movies and vids and immersed myself into the L Word, and I understand, though do not always practice, the dom / sub or also the dyke / fem dynamic. In my lovemaking experiences …it is just never about dyke fem with me and whomever…its just us making love. But …I have to say that in this moment, with her kissing ME so deeply, squatting over me, me sliding down in the office chair and her rising above me to kiss me deeper, I never freakin felt more in control of a woman in all my experiences. She had gone in minutes from being this close to rejecting me to intensifying our intimacy and letting all of her sexual arousal center upon showing me a willingness to do anything to please me, or at least, please us. Its hard to describe this feeling limited to words, but while she held me more tightly and kissed me more deeply, giving and receiving more tongue, and deeper, with every breathtaking french kiss, she was also surrendering to me and letting me know that she was now mine and any doubts or hesitations were quickly gone. So in this position as she and I kissed, I slide further under her and rose my hips in rhythm as my swelling and throbbing for her grew by the second. Its in this moment that I have to say that if I never felt like I was a dyke or a dom, for the moment anyway, I felt it and honestly, felt it so strong that the thought flashed through my mind of wishing I had something there for her to ride. My earliest lesbian fantasies had occasionally contained a strap on fantasy, but I’d say for about 5 years or so, that thought was gone and I just had decided I felt I no longer wanted that …which was especially solidified with my last gf and all of our passionate tribbing. But in this position under her and the way she was kissing me, and I was kissing her, I pushed my hips into her and she “umphs” sweetly into my mouth in our kiss, and I responded with a moan of my own and push up into her again …louder and more intently into my mouth her next grunt …and if she it is like this it feels so good and I don’t care what the label is, I am there with her and for her.
Our kiss breaks and our eyes lock onto one another and in between pants I am able to say the only thing I can utter, “You don’t know what you are doing to me.” And she responds, “You don’t know what you have done to me.” My blood is rushing through my veins like never before, and my mouth wants to devour her and my pussy wants to grind her but I resign and admit in almost a whimper, ” we can’t do this here.” Such a look a disappointment on her face, which I am sure matched my own, “I don’t want to stop….Brenda we CANT stop.”
I pouted and frowned and moaned and felt all the sexual pent up frustration and tried to fight the urge to lay her down on the floor of the office right there …nobody would likely see …but it was possible enough that I wouldn’t take that chance and knew she wouldn’t want to either, no matter what her adorable, surrendering eyes were saying.
“This is happening so fast…I just wanted to tell you ….I didn’t know this was going to get like this.”
“I can’t believe what you are doing to me,” she replied. “I have never been this wet in my life.”
“I know baby ..me too …I wanted this for so long …I’ve been wet for you many nights. In my fantasies I have already made love to you a million times.”
“You have? I mean…wow..thats just so unreal.” I knew it had been so much so fast….catching our breath and knowing what could come next.
“So are we going to have a date?”
“hmmmmm definitely….but I don’t want to wait …but i know we can’t do this here….can’t you come home with me for a little while?”
“You want that? now? so soon?”
“Ive never wanted anything more.”
I put my arms around her neck and looked into her eyes. I had sure wanted to make love to her for the longest time, and summoned the courage on this day to risk my very job and ask out my co-worker on a lesbian date. In the million thoughts I thought in a split second were included the possibility that if I did not act now, I may never have another chance. She could decide she is “not that way,” as my high school best friend so painfully put it in turning me down. I had to be sensitive about the fact that if this was happening wayyy too fast for me, the one who instigated all this, imagine how blindingly fast it was happening for her. I even contemplated the possibility that if I didn’t make love to her this instant, that she might think it was ME who was rejecting her and pull away. How fast this thunderstorm had turned into a tornado …I was torn between damage control, and letting go of myself with not control and reckless abandon.
I gave her a quick peck on the lips and first ran my fingers through her hair. “What are we going to do?” I asked, and she whispered an ever so lusty whisper, “what are we going to do.”