Lost My Virginity to My Cousin as TeenagerOk…Here we go. I am sorry I’m using a throwaway, but my family would disown me if anyone saw this as I come from a Christian family. This is kinda graphic. I am a christian (Or at least I try my best to be), but I do have troubles with temptation. One of those being my first cousin. Let’s call her Sarah. Sarah is currently 13, and I am 15 (male), but this started when we were 10 and 12. It started out one summer as just kissing, and when we were caught by our siblings we just stated we were “Practicing for when we needed it”. We’d always make movies as k**s, and her and I would always be husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend, yada yada yada. You get the picture, so it wasn’t really that big of a deal in our minds.Flash Forward to winter of 2010. She’s 11 and I’m 13. My cousins and I (Sarah, Me, My 9yo sister and 8yo cousin(boy)) are watching star wars together. Sarah and I were sitting next to each other (as always) and she snuggles up to me. I put my hand down by her waist and she doesn’t seem to mind. I ended up fingering her until she suddenly got up and sat somewhere else. Then things stopped between us.Come summer of 2011-We are at my cabin and we are doing roleplaying (as we always do) and I’m playing a criminal. I “k**nap” her and she kisses me in order to persuade me to let her go. Soon enough, games over and I’m fingering her. This time, she encouraged it, telling me how to do it or how fast/slow to do it. I’m getting into it, and then she gives me a handjob and I cum(for the first time). I didn’t know how to respond, and I thought I accidentally peed or something but she told me it happens when I’m happy(keep in mind, I’m from a sheltered christian family-I never got sex-ed until last year). Anyway, Sarah and I later that day filmed a short skit with our cousins that had the rough storyline of k**s scaring their parents while they’re asleep. Sarah thought it would be more realistic if she took off her shirt and bra(yes, she was wearing a bra at age 11-she was very developed at that age(and still is)). So I took of my shirt too and we just played the part of a couple cuddling in bed without shirts. We kept telling our younger cousins we needed to reshoot over and over again even though they did fine(I think you know why).Flash forward to december 2011. I was staying at her house for a week because my parents were off on some christmas missions trip. As you might have already guessed, roleplay is a usual activity in our group of cousins. Our cousins live on a huge plot of land, and have massive forests for us to explore. We were playing that my 10 year old boy cousin and I were soldiers hunting the locals to clear out room for camps. We were using neft guns and a blue star wars chewbacca gun that shot foam darts as well. My sister and Sarah used toy bows that my uncle made them last christmas. Anyway, Sarah was only wearing canlı bahis a cloth tied around her breasts and a skirt, no underwear.(this is important, as those skimpy clothes lead up to what happened later.) Anyway, I “captured” her after I “shot” her and I tied her to a tree. I got a boner from her skimpy outfit and I think she noticed.Anyway, after a long war (including dirt being thrown) we were all tired and decided to call it a night, as the sun was going down. I was still very horny (being 14) and wanted to play some more, as i was enjoying it. Sarah suggested that we all go shower up and then we can play another game. I cleaned up, put on loose pj pants and a tanktop and met up with the cousins. Sarah was only in a bathrobe. We decided we would essentially play house, where the younger cousins we the k**s and we were the parents. Sarah told me she would put the k**s to bed and would meet me in our bedroom. You can see the “k**s” room from the “parents” room through a hall, and I saw her close the k**s into bed and then she walked down the hall towards me. This scene is the most vivid, as this is when the “sexytimes” started. As she was walking I remember noting her smile, it was one I hadn’t seen her do before. As she walked towards the bedroom she untied her bathrobe and let it fall the the ground behind her. I remember the feeling of my penis swelling up with blood and how excited I was, as this was the first time I had seen a girl my age completely naked. I remember being confused that she had some pubic hair and also how bouncy her breasts were when she walked, I always thought they would just be stiff and unmoving. I had seen her breasts before when we were filming the movie, but we were both in a bed and she wasn’t walking. She closed the door and locked it and came over to me without saying anything. I remember being nervous that her parents would come up, as they were cooking christmas dinner downstairs. She came over to me and slid my pants down. I remember moving to help her, as my boner was making it a bit tricky. She then moved on top of me, one leg on each side of me, and brought my penis into her wet vagina. I was kinda nervous because I knew it was wrong, but hormones took over and I pulled her down and we got into a steady beat. The bed started making noises and I got nervous and said we should be quieter. She said that she wanted me to be on top. I told her I didn’t think that we should do it anymore because it didn’t feel right but she told me this is what parents do and I shouldn’t mess up the game. So I kept going. And we were kissing, sweating, bouncing, I could go into more detail but I won’t. I came inside of her, and I just felt so weak. She came down and kissed me some more and we just kinda laid there, me inside of her and exhausted. My uncle came and knocked on the door and I got really nervous. He said dinner was ready, and we were going to bahis siteleri open some presents. Sarah hopped right up and put on some pajamas and went out, telling me to come too. I said I’d be a minute and I went into the bathroom. I just kinda sat there and started crying for some reason. I felt sexually misunderstood and I didn’t know what to do next. I put some clothes on, washed my face off, and nervously went outside. I had that pit feeling in my stomach when you know you’ve done something wrong. I was worried my uncle would say something to me, but he seemed like he had no idea I just had sex with his daughter so I started to relax. We had christmas, all was fun, and everything seemed alright.Next day, we had went swimming. My aunt and uncle dropped us off and they went to some bar to get drunk or whatever. I went to the bathroom, stripped down, and hopped in the shower to get the chlorine out of my hair. After about 3 minutes, I heard the door open. The shower was steamy and I didn’t know who it was. I said “I’m in here!” and wiped a bit of the shower door so I could see through the steam who it was. Sarah was standing there, taking her bikini off and saying “I know, that why I came in.”. She came in the shower next to me, naked, and acted as if it was nothing. She said she’d put shampoo in my hair for me if I helped her too, and I agreed. It eventually went from washing each other with soap all around the body to fingering/handjobs to kissing and penetration. The shower was a bit cramped and the water was creating friction so we both came out and did it on the bathroom floor. She was moaning(parents were away) and that got me off so fast. After I finished I didn’t feel as famished as before, and I leaned over and just started making out with her. I then went on to lick her lady parts. Her pubic hair was sorta in the way, but I was horny and didn’t care. She came and I remember it tasted weird, but sorta good. I was worried she had a seizure or something because her whole body kinda shook but she said it was ok and that it was normal.Anyway, after that nothing big happened anymore and I went home with my parents. From then until June was a world of porn and masturbation for me. But being with her had kinda screwed with my sexual preferences. I went from normal porn to porn where girls had hair on their parts to i****t porn all the way to looking on nudist forums to find pictures of u******e girls that were her age. And even though I knew it was wrong and I knew it was sin, I still did it. My little guy pretty much took over. But every time I finished I went into a state of temporary depression because of what I was doing. June this year I saw her at a beach house we were all staying at (both families) and it was awkward at first. She seemed to be avoiding me and not talking to me. Come later the first night she suddenly opened up and said she wanted me to be her güvenilir bahis fashion designer. I said me being a 14 y/o boy, I had no fashion sense and had no idea what to do. She said “give me a moment to get ready, and all you have to do is pick out an outfit for me and put it on.”. She came out of the bathroom completely naked at this point, and showed me her suitcase full of clothes. I started with a leopard print pink bra and some panties. I was really horny and trying to control myself when I started fingering her as I was putting on her panties. She pushed my hand away and said “Nevermind, I’ll pick my own clothing.” And went into the bathroom and locked it. I felt like I had failed some sort of test or something. Anyway, as the week went on she became kinda loose with clothing around me. I kept myself under control, even when she came into my bed completely naked one night. But on the last day we are talking and she’s taking off her underwear and putting her bikini on while sitting on a chair. I catch a flash of her parts and kinda break. All my hormones, sexual confusion, everything just k**na goes away and I lose control. I pushed her against the chair, took off her clothing, and did her right then and there. She was saying no, but I kept going. It wasn’t until I came that I noticed the tears in her eyes. She ran upstairs and we didn’t talk for the rest of the trip. She went home, and we didn’t see each other again until this october.We went to a theme park and had a really nice time. She didn’t seem mad at me or anything, and as weird as this seems, she was still wishy washy with clothes around me. Coming into my hotel room with only her bathrobe on and untying it once she gets in, cuddling with me when I’m watching tv and even giving me handjobs. I didn’t give in though, because I made a rule for myself to not have sex with her after what happened in the summer. She didn’t seem mad or anything, just her normal flirty self, half naked and hot as always.This concludes my confession, and here I am, sexually confused and disappointed in myself for stooping so low as to have sex with my own cousin, 3 times. Millions of sperm have died because of her and I have lustful thought about her all the time. I know it’s wrong because we are blood related, and we never used protection and I think I am very lucky that nothing happened. But I think if we weren’t related we’d be dating or something like that. Anyway, I’m seeing her again this December and I just finished talking to her on the phone. Her and I are fine now, but she is always hinting at sex and things like that, such as something that happening in our last convo-she was talking about how her jeans have a hole in the crotch area, and I asked if she was going to throw them away or fix them, and she just says”I might keep them for easy access for you”. It’s things like this that make me confused and I never know what her thoughts are. She always acts so flirty, but I don’t want to seem like I’m using her. I just don’t know what to do. I’m sorry this is a bit long, but nobody knows about this other than her and me.I know, I’m screwed up.